Ron
Welcome to the Miss Lower San Diego Pageant. In our...uh...fifteenth year of operation. Let's have the ladies come out and walk around.
Mabel, Jackie, Holly, and Lupe walk around in dresses and heels.
Ron
Thank you ladies.
(beat)
While they are getting dressed, let's meet the judges.
Ron walks over to the judges at their pushed together desks.
Ron
Champ Kind who is currently single.
Champ
I am.
Brian
The very handsome Brian Fantana.
Brian
(embarrassed)
Oh, you.
Brick
And Brick Tamland...the...uh...weatherman.
Brick
(embarrassed)
Oh, you.
Ron
Ok, enough chit chat, let's get on with the show. Our first event is the Evening Gown comp-
Champ
Bathing suit!
Ron
Excuse me.
Champ
Let's start with bathing suits.
Ron
Splendid idea. Ladies? Bathing suits.
Champ
Two piece!
Ron
Two piece bathing suits. Let's go go go.
The women go back inside to change with confused looks on their faces.
Brian
That was great, Champ. Who cares about dresses?
Champ
I know. It just hit me. I was thinking, "I want to see more skin." And it popped into my head: swimsuits.
Brian
Amazing.
Ron walks over to the dressing room (Ron's office). He cracks the door, then knocks.
Ron
Are you girls almost ready?
(staring)
Nice, Holly.
Ron closes the door.
Ron
They're ready.
(beat)
Come on out, ladies! First is Mabel. She is a woman. She likes to swim, apparently. Next, we have Jackie with boobies. Then, Holly who is even better topless and finally, Lupe who is foreign.
The girls walk out in their bikinis.
Ron
And the judges will tally scores while you get ready for the talent-
Champ
No talent. I want to see Holly in Jackie's bikini, Lupe in Holly's, Jackie, in Mabel's, and Mabel in Lupe's.
Cut to the girls dressed up in the appropriate bathing suits.
Champ
Now, I want to see Jackie in Lupe's, Holly in Mabel's, Mabel in Jackie's, and Lupe in Holly's.
Lupe
But I'm in Holly's.
Champ
And you look fantastic.
Cut to the girls dressed up in the appropriate bathing suits.
Champ
Now, I want Jackie in nothing, Holly in peanut butter and jelly, Mabel in my lap, and Lupe in Holly's. You really look great in it.
Mabel
Is this a real pageant?
Ron
Twenty years running.
Holly
You said fifteen before.
Ron
Did I? Well, this pageant, in particular, is fifteen years but we've been running pageants for twenty.
Mabel
I don't think there is a Miss Lower San Diego Pageant.
Brian
What? Do you think this is some not-so-elaborate ruse to get hot, sexy women to spend an evening with us?
Mabel
Yes.
Brian
Then you as observant as you are attractive. Let's cut the bull and party. How does that sound?
The girls look at each other and shrug.
Holly
We got nothing else to do.
Champ
Sounds like a yes to me. Dibs on Lupe.
Lupe
Can I change?
Champ
Sorry, no.
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