Thursday, August 28, 2008

Idea #92

Ron arrives on the set of "Mork and Mindy." He does not know what to expect. Pam Dawber is the first person he runs into.

Pam Dawber
Ron Burgundy? I'm Pam Dawber. I play Mindy.

(grabs her hand and kisses it)

Pam Dawber
I saw you on "The Love Boat." You're very good.

How nice of you to say. I'd like to hear more about how good I am. How about after the shoot-

Robin Williams comes running up.

Robin Williams
Hey, you must be Ron Burgundy. Although you seem more of a Ron Peach or a Ron Tan. It's going to be a lot of fun on the set today. We tend to get a little crazy. What am I saying, a lot of crazy.
(makes some crazy noises and hand gestures)
Boop. Bop. Wang.

(extends hand)
Nice to meet you.

Robin Williams
(shakes hand)
I'm Robin Williams but you can call me
(acts demure and talks in high-pitched voice)
Mrs. Funnybritches. I do so love that you're on the show.
(clears throat)
I hate when she comes out.
(smacks own face)
Bad Mrs. Funnybritches!
(high-pitched voice)
(regular voice)
(smacks own face)
That should take care of her. So, you're a news man.
(puts finger to ear)
This just in: Mork and Mindy is very excited to have Ron Burgundy on the set. Coming up after the break: hula hoops: fun toy or dangerous geometry?

Ron stares on in shock as Robin Williams pretends to hula hoop while getting hurt.

Robin Williams
Help! Stop this thing! It's hurting me! I can't stop swiveling my hips! I must look like Elvis.
(Elvis voice)
Thank you. Thank you very much. This next one goes out to Ron Burgundy.
(to Heartbreak Hotel)
When Ron Burgundy showed up
He stood open-mouthed and stared
At Robin Williams hula hooping
Around like Elvis, baby
Ron Burgundy's frightened, baby
Ron Burgundy's frightened
Ron Burgundy's frightened and wants to go home.

Robin Williams goes into a knee slide with arms extended out. He's fake heavy-breathing like at the end of a Broadway number. Pam Dawber and all the crew erupt in applause. Robin Williams stands up and waves around appreciative.

Robin Williams
Thank you. You're too kind. Now, you're not kind enough. Ok, too kind again.
(walks up to Ron)
Well, Ron, how did you like your Welcome Wagon. Although it wasn't much of a wagon. It was more of a Welcome-

Village Idiot?

Robin Williams
(turns to him seriously)
What did you call me?

A Welcome Village Idiot. It's funny.

Pam Dawber waves her arms in the background trying to stop Ron. Robin Williams' eyes turn all white. His already hairy arms become more so. He lets out a scream that turns into a howl. Before Ron's eyes, Robin Williams begins to change. He rises three feet in height. His clothes rip from his body as he gains muscle mass. His hands turn into massive claws with razor-sharp nails. His mouth and nose extend out from his face into a snout. Werewolf Robin Williams snarls menacingly over Ron. Drool drips down and splashes the floor by Ron's shoes.

Werewolf Robin Williams
(deep voice)
That was a big mistake.

As Werewolf Robin Williams crouches down to launch himself at Ron, two men with stun guns zap Werewolf Robin Willaims. He convulses and falls to the ground. One of the men puts his stun gun away and pulls out a syringe. They inject it into Werewolf Robin Williams' arm. He slowly turns back into a sweaty, naked, less hairy, regular Robin Williams.

Cut to Ron Burgundy at the age of 70 on his porch. A young boy sits across from him. They are drinking lemonade. 

That was the most scared I've ever been.

Young Boy
Wow, Grandpa, no wonder why Robin Williams still gets work.

It's hard to say no to a werewolf. It's best to just smile, laugh, and wait for it to be over.
Shall we go see how your grandma's doing with those brownies?

Young Boy
Oh boy!

Grandpa Ron and the young boy go inside the house.

Ron (O.S.)
Pam, how are those brownies coming?

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