Jim Hubert
Ron, nice to meet you.
Ron
A pleasure. I'm a big fan of the show.
Jim Hubert
I like to move quickly through scenes. Do you know your lines?
Ron
I like to improvise in the manner of Chevy Chase or Billiam Murray. I know what the scenes call for.
Jim Hubert
We don't improvise here. While you're in makeup, go over them some more. I want you to know them backwards and forwards.
Ron
Absolutely.
Cut to the bar set. Cameras are aimed at the desired locations. Ron is sitting at the bar. Ted Lange is behind the bar as Isaac. Ann-Margret is at the end of the bar and no one is located between them.
Jim Hubert
Places and...action!
Ron and Ann-Margret exchange glances. There may be interest.
Ron
(as Laszlo Barnes)
Isaac?
Ted Lange comes over.
Ted Lange
(as Isaac)
Mr. Barnes, what can I do for you? Another scotch?
Ron
(as Laszlo Barnes)
Yeah, two more. Let me ask you. Who is that fine piece of tail at the end of the bar?
Jim Hubert
Cut!
(to Ron)
Ron, please stick to the script.
Ron
(lifts glass)
Quick question. Can we have some real scotch in here instead of this apple juice?
Jim Hubert
No. Let's get ready for take 2. If you need a line, Ron, ask for it.
Ron
Got it.
Jim Hubert
Quiet on the set and...action!
Ted Lange
(as Isaac)
Another scotch?
Ron
(as Laszlo Barnes)
Sure. Isaac, who is that sweet piece of sugar?
Jim Hubert
Cut!
Flash forward. Take eight.
Ron
(as Laszlo Barnes)
Isaac, who is that at the end of the bar and tell me she's not a hooker?
Jim Hubert screams in anger.
Flash forward. Take fifteen.
Ron
(as Laszlo Barnes)
Isaac, is that a General at the end of the bar because my little soldier's saluting?
Jim Hubert kicks over his director's chair.
Flash forward. Take thirty-two.
Ron
(as Laszlo Barnes)
Isaac, is that Ann-Margret's sexy twin?
Ron winks at Ann-Margret. She smiles. Jim Hubert punches the cameraman.
Flash forward. Take forty-one.
Ron
(as Laszlo Barnes)
Isaac, I'm going to lick that girl's toes. What's her story?
Jim Hubert tries to attack Ron but assistants hold him back.
Flash forward. Take forty-five.
Ron
(as Laszlo Barnes)
Isaac, who's the little lady at the end of the bar?
Jim Hubert
Cut! That was the right line.
Cameraman
(with black eye)
We ran out of film halfway through.
Jim Hubert
Shit! Shit. Shit. Shit.
Ron walks up to Ann-Margret.
Ron
I know I was just playing a character but I meant everything I said.
Ann-Margret
That's very sweet of you but I'm married.
Ron
Really?
Ann-Margret
Yes, for ten years now.
Ron
Wow. Is there any chance you'd like to break your vows for this?
Ron indicates himself.
Ann-Margret
If I was a woman of lesser morals, absolutely.
Ron
You're too kind.
Jim Hubert
Ok, we have film. Ron, can you do it the same way as take forty-five?
Ron
I can do it better.
Jim Hubert
I'm looking for the same.
Ron
Suit yourself.
Come back tomorrow for the kissing scene.
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