Thursday, August 14, 2008

Idea #78

Richard Dawson passed out from internal injuries suffered during the brawl (see Idea #77).

Cut to a close-up of Richard Dawson's face. There is a white background and his face is still bandaged and bruised.

Richard Dawson
Welcome back to The Feud! Sorry for the technical difficulties. When we last left off, Channel Four won control of the board and it was Champ's turn.
(beat)
Jimmy, why don't you bring me closer? I can still point.

The camera pulls back to show Richard Dawson lying on a hospital bed in the studio with IV bags hanging next to him. Jimmy, a young intern, is holding the mic by Dawson's face.

Producer
(over house speakers)
Richard, maybe you should listen to your doctors and put that bed in a hospital.

Richard Dawson
We are finishing this fucking show! Get rid of the last two answers! Make this a top four board and triple the values!

Cuts to the board and answer plates five and six flip over to become blanks.

Richard Dawson
 Wheel me over there, Jimmy! Let's go!

Jimmy rolls the bed over by Champ.

Richard Dawson
Roll cameras!
(beat)
Champ, name a fruit you can take your family to pick.

Champ
Strawberries.

Richard Dawson
Show me strawberries!

Richard Dawson points with his non-IV arm in the general direction of the board. The camera shows the board with three possible answers. After a pause, the number two answer plate flips to read "STRAWBERRIES        24."

Richard Dawson
Number two answer and that's enough to win the game!

Wes Mantooth
Oh, come on! How is that fair?!?

Richard Dawson
Mantooth, I will cut you! You lost! This is my show!

Ron
Suck it, Mantooth!

Richard Dawson
I'll cut you next, Burgundy!

Ron
Easy, Dawson.

Richard Dawson
(calmly)
Thanks for playing Channel Nine. Your charity would be getting something but that money is going to pay for my hospital bills. You can tell those disappointed children that they don't get water to fill their pool because you put Richard Dawson on a gurney.
(beat)
Burgundy, pick two people to play fast money.
(beat)
We'll be back after this.

Producer
(over house speakers)
Commercial.

Richard Dawson
Someone get me a fucking pain pill!

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