Veronica
When we come back, the U.S. and Iran sign a ten billion dollar arms deal.
Ron
Wow! Ten million?
Veronica
No, Ron. Billion.
Ron
That's a lot of money. How much money do you think we could get for my arms?
Veronica
We're on the news.
Ron
I work out for real now. Not like the time you came to my office and I-
Veronica
Ron!
Ron
I'm just looking for a number.
(flexes left arm in his suit)
What do you think, San Diego? How much would you sign these babies for?
Veronica
This is so unprofessional.
Ron
If you act now, I'll throw in the second arm at no additional cost.
(flexes right arm)
That's an unbelievable value.
Veronica
Are we at commercial yet?
The cameraman shakes his head.
Ron
Come on, San Diego.
A phone rings by Brian. He looks confused and picks it up.
Brian
Hello?
(beat)
Forty dollars?
Veronica
San Diego, I implore you to rise above this charade.
"What's New, Pussycat?" pumps over the studio speakers. Ron dances around to Tom Jones.
Ron
Forty dollars? I'm insulted, though appreciative. Did I mention all proceeds go to orphans?
Veronica
What orphans?
Ron
(indignant but dancing and flexing)
You don't think there are still orphans in this world. Drinking gruel when they don't want to.
Veronica
That's Oliver Twist and you eat gruel.
Ron
I don't eat gruel and neither should orphans.
Brian picks up another ringing phone.
Brian
Hello?
(beat)
A hundred dollars!
Ron
(singing)
Whoooa-oh-whoa-oh-whoa-oh-oh!
Veronica
(to producer booth)
Go to commercial right now!
Ron
Stop hating orphans, Corningstone!
Veronica groans in anger and walks off the set as Ron dances around and Brian answers the phone once more.
Brian
How much for Ron's arms?
(beat)
I can't hear you.
(beat)
A thousand dollars!?!
Ron
Let me talk to them.
(takes phone)
A thousand dollars!?! Thank you so much. May I ask who this is?
(beat)
Wait! I know this voice!
(looks around)
Where's Champ?
Champ comes running in out of breath.
Ron
Was that you on the phone?
Champ
No. I mean, what phone? What? I don't even have a thousand dollars.
Ron
That's it. Shut it down. Go to commercial.
The music stops and Ron sits back down professionally at the news desk and stares disapprovingly at Champ.
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