Idea #41

Brian decides it is time to admit to Ron that he is a virgin after the last disaster with a woman (see Idea #36). Brian goes into Ron's office. He looks nervous.

Brian

Ron, I need to talk to you.

Ron

Ok.

Brian closes all the blinds and puts a chair under the door handle.

Ron

Are you taking me hostage? Remember when the crazy guy from the mail room did it? He got none of his demands and a beating from police. And then I beat him while the police held him.

Brian

I can't have anyone walk in here while I tell you this.

Ron

(pointing to wall)

Then you might want to plug that hole in the wall from the office next door. Champ uses it to watch me.

Brian sees the hole.

Brian

I thought you talked to him.

Ron

I did but I'm like a drug. You can't quit Burgundy cold turkey. So, I let him have the spy hole.

Brian

Is there any way to plug it temporarily?

Ron

I don't know.

(at the wall)

Champ! Is there any way to plug that hole so Brian and I can talk?

Champ (O.S.)

Nope. This is my lunch break. You promised. Do you want some Cracker Jacks?

Ron

(delighted)

I'd love some.

Ron goes over to the wall hole and cups his hand under it. Cracker Jacks fall into his hand.

Ron

Brian, Cracker Jacks?

Brian

No thanks, Ron. I'm going to go. Maybe we can talk another time.

Ron

Next week might work. Champ's going on vacation. Where are you going, Champ?

Champ (O.S.)

(beat)

Um...Antarctica.

Ron

Isn't it cold? Why are you going there?

Champ (O.S.)

I like penguins?

Ron

Why don't you just go to the zoo? It's warmer.

Champ groans in frustration.

Champ (O.S.)

I'm not going on vacation, Ron. I lied. I wanted you to look natural when I watched through the hole. Sometimes it seems staged.

Ron

I didn't realize.

Champ (O.S.)

Yeah.

(beat)

More Cracker Jacks?

Ron

Do you have to ask?

Cracker Jacks come through the hole in the wall as Brian leaves the room disappointed.