Saturday, July 5, 2008
A mysterious illness has broken out in the male population of San Diego. While doctors are baffled, symptoms include a rash, fever, and night sweats. Initially affecting a handful of men, it has reached over one hundred. Ron, with Veronica in the studio, and Brian, in the field, report the latest information.
We now go back to Brian Fantana on the San Diego border.
Cut to Brian.
Thanks, Ron. Air travel in and out of San Diego has been suspended and, as you can see, the National Guard has been brought in to stop anyone from leaving the city. Watch. I'm going to try to leave.
Brian runs at the road block. A guardsman points his gun at Brian.
Sir, please stop running! I will shoot you!
Brian stops running.
They will shoot me in the face if I try to leave.
Good work, guys.
(to the camera)
Back to you, Ron.
Cut back to Ron and Veronica in the studio.
This seems bad, Veronica.
It is, Ron. I just got news that scientists have found a new symptom: impotence.
We'll have to bring our resident medical expert in to explain this impotence to all of us that did not go to medical school.
Ron, impotence means the inability to perform sexually.
What? Like you don't feel like it? I'm not following.
Veronica leans over and whispers in Ron's ear to avoid saying anything on air. Ron goes from professional to wide-eyed, crazy man in moments.
What!?! Not Little Ron!?!
Ron, calm down!
I'm not calming down!
(talking into his mic)
Brian! I'm coming! We're getting out of here!
Ron runs off the set, ripping out his earpiece, pushing people out of the way.
After the break, we'll be going back to Brian in the field. Stay tuned.