Idea #57

After getting nowhere with the national guard at the city border (see Idea #54), Ron and Brian have to do something with the virus threatening their manhood (see Idea #43). They head to a sperm bank but not just any sperm bank, Robert Klark Graham's Repository for Germinal Choice. Back at the news station, Ron calls the "Genius Sperm Bank."

Repository Secretary

(on phone)

Repository for Germinal Choice. How may I help you?

Ron

I'd like to donate my sperm. I'm Ron Burgundy.

Repository Secretary

(on phone)

What major awards have you won?

Ron

I've won some regional Emmys.

Repository Secretary

(on phone)

How many?

Ron

Six.

Repository Secretary

(on phone)

Our conversion chart has ten regional Emmys equal to one real Emmy. You would need two real Emmys. Do you have anything else?

Ron

I'm a beloved television anchorman for Channel Four News.

Repository Secretary

(on phone)

Is that in Kansas?

Ron

Kansas!?! No, it's San Diego! It's not far away. You must have seen me.

Repository Secretary

(on phone)

I can't say that I have. Look, I don't think you qualify. We have a very distinguished clientele.

Ron

That's why I'm calling. I belong in there. Papa Burgundy's tiny swim team doesn't belong next to regular people, people that can only be referred to as "folks." It frightens me to even think about it. My guys deserve to rub tails with those great men in there.

Repository Secretary

(on phone)

I'm sorry, sir.

Ron

I have great hair.

Repository Secretary

(on phone)

I'm sure you do. Maybe if you accomplished some more things, you could call back and try again. Have a good day, sir.

Ron

But-

There is a click. Ron turns to Brian.

Ron

Brian, get your coat. We're going out. I have to make myself good enough for that sperm bank.

Brian

What are you going to do?

Ron

Great things that can be done fast. Let's move.