Police Officer
People don't take too kindly to looting and rioting in these parts.
Brian
Look, we're not looting. There's no one to pay and we really need the food.
Police Officer
Oh, you really need the food.
Brick nods.
Police Officer
Do you really need a gun?
Police Officer offers his gun to them.
Brian
No.
Police Officer unbuckles his belt.
Police Officer
How about a pair of pants? Do you really need a pair of pants?
Brian
Officer, my name is Brian Fantana and this is Brick Tamland. We are part of the Channel Four News Team. We are going to pay the store for the food when the storm is over.
Police Officer
So, you think because you're on the radio.
Brick
Television.
Police Officer
Excuse me. Television. I'm supposed to let you steal from this store.
Brian
No, but it's not like we're going to flee.
Police Officer
What are you doing right now?
Brick
Fleeing.
Brian
Shut up, Brick.
Brick
Sorry.
Police Officer
Well, boys, it's time to arrest you. Just think though, Steve McQueen was arrested and so was Jane Fonda. Now, they can add Brian Santana and Brick Whatever to the list.
Brian
What if we gave you the money for the food?
Police Officer
(muses over it)
What about the window you broke?
Brian
The window too.
Police Officer
I'd have to get an estimate. I know a good glass guy.
Brian pulls out his wallet. He tries to remain calm but he is frustrated.
Brian
I have a hundred dollars. That has to be enough.
Police Officer
I'll take the hundred dollars and let you go but you have to do something for me.
Brian
Thank you, sir. Anything you want.
Police Officer
I want you guys to hug each other...tenderly.
Brian
What?
Police Officer
Hug your friend and be gentle about it.
(beat)
Do you want to go to jail?
Brian hesitantly approaches Brick. Brick has his arms open and a smile on his face. Brian has a look of disgust. They hug and let go real fast.
Police Officer
That wasn't gentle. Again.
Brian and Brick hug and hold it.
Police Officer
Rub his back, Brian.
Brian rubs Brick's back.
Police Officer
Now, kiss.
Brian breaks the hug. Brick lingered a little long.
Brian
No way.
Police Officer
Then it's jail and no food for your friends.
Brian hesitates and looks at Brick. He closes his eyes momentarily and takes a breath.
Cut to Brian and Brick at the news station. Employees are emptying the carts. Ron comes up to them.
Ron
Guys, you did it! Looks like quite a feast. Did you run into any trouble?
Ron puts his arm around Brian but Brian recoils.
Brick
We-
Brian
(glares at Brick)
No trouble at all.
Cut to the interior of a van. The police officer is sitting in the back with another man.
Police Officer
You got all of that on tape.
Other Man
(lifts video camera)
Yup.
Police Officer
This is going to be one of the best episodes of Candid Camera ever.
No comments:
Post a Comment