Idea #59

Brian goes out for drinks with Ron so he could talk about his virginity. His last attempt to talk to Ron was interrupted by Champ's eavesdropping (see Idea#41). The two of them are sitting in a booth and Brian keeps looking around.

Ron

What's wrong with you?

Brian

I have to tell you something and I don't want anyone to hear it.

Ron

What'd you do now? Sleep with someone's wife.

Brian

No.

Ron

Ok, but as a television personality, you're entitled.

Brian

I didn't.

Ron

I'm just saying you could.

Brian

That's kinda what this is about.

(deep breath, looks around)

I haven't had sex.

Ron

Today? We can fix that. There's some prime real estate here just waiting for someone like you to move in.

Brian

No, Ron. Ever.

Ron

I'm sorry. It sounds like you're trying to say you've never had sex.

Brian

I haven't. I mean, I get close but then I get scared. I don't know what to do.

Ron

But you always-

Ron pauses. He goes into a flashback of all the sex talks the news gang has had.

Flash 1:

Ron, Brick, Brian, and Champ are standing by the news desk.

Champ

And then she grabbed it and twisted.

Brian

I love when they do that.

Flash 2:

Ron, Brian, and Champ are in Ron's office.

Ron

This girl was a freak in bed so you can imagine what Papa Burgundy had to do.

Champ laughs.

Brian

(eager)

What did you do?

Flash 3:

Ron, Brian, Brick, and Champ are eating ice cream in the park. A pretty woman walks by.

Ron

What would you do with her in bed?

Champ

There would be lots of honey.

Ron

I hear that.

Brian

(dreamily)

Cherish every moment.

We flash back to a horrified Ron. He is about to drop his glass of scotch but realizes there's some left. He drinks it quickly and returns to the position he was in. He then drops the glass in slow motion which breaks on the ground.

Ron

The signs were always there.