Ron is walking around a carnival. He comes upon a dunk tank that is not filled with water but filled with scotch. Veronica, dressed like a sexy clown, sits on the suspended seat. The target is Dr. Skinner with his face painted to be a bullseye. A bucket of balls appear at Ron's feet along with a rocks glass.
Sexy Clown Veronica
Hey, Ron. Don't bother trying. You have a limp noodle arm to match the limp noodle in your pants.
Ron
How could you say that?
How could you say that?
Sexy Clown Veronica
I'm just stating facts. As you would say,
(in her best Ron Burgundy voice)
"It's science."
Ron
That's a terrible impression.
Bullseye Skinner
She's just role playing Ron. This is healthy.
Ron
Stay out of this, Doctor!
Bullseye Skinner
Ron, how does it make you feel to have a limp noodle in your pants?
Ron
I DON'T HAVE A-
I DON'T HAVE A-
Ron screams, picks up a ball, and throws it at Bullseye Skinner but misses. Bullseye Skinner and Sexy Clown Veronica both laugh.
Sexy Clown Veronica
Told you, Doctor.
Sexy Clown Veronica makes a motion with her pinkie. Bullseye Skinner looks over and keeps laughing. Ron looks down to realize he's not wearing any pants. He covers himself up and throws another ball. It hits Bullseye Skinner but nothing happens.
Sexy Clown Veronica
Not hard enough. As usual.
Ron
You're a whore.
Sexy Clown Veronica
I'm only a whore because I have to go elsewhere to get it.
Ron throws another ball and hits Sexy Clown Veronica in the face. She falls into the scotch unconscious. Ron sees that she's not moving and runs over to the dunk tank to get her but the walls of the tank extend up to the sky. There's no way in. Ron grabs a stool and slams it against the side of the tank but it merely bounces off. Ron notices a tap at the base of the tank. He gets the rocks glass and starts filling it. He drinks the scotch as fast as he can.
Ron
I'm coming, Flower!
He can't drink it fast enough. A dog bowl appears at his feet.
Ron
What am I going to do with-
Baxter barks in the distance as Ron turns around to see his beloved canine friend running towards him. He fills the dog bowl from the tap. Baxter and Ron continue to drink the scotch feverishly. The scotch level comes down with the help of a now inebriated Baxter. Soon, Sexy Clown Veronica is lying at the bottom of the tank.
Ron
I love you, Veronica! Don't leave me!
Bullseye Skinner
Let her go, Ron.
Ron
No! Veronica, I love you!
Bullseye Skinner
Ron. Ron.
We dissolve back to Dr. Skinner's office.
Dr. Skinner
Ron, can you hear me?
Ron
(waking up)
I love you, Veronica! Don't leave me!
Veronica
Ron, I'm here.
Ron
What happened?
Veronica
It doesn't matter. I love you.
Ron
I drank all the scotch and saved your clown life.
Veronica
Ok, Ron. One thing though.
Ron
Anything.
Veronica
Can you put your pants back on?
No comments:
Post a Comment