Sunday, June 29, 2008

Idea #37

Ron and Veronica banter on the news about the wedding of Charles and Diana.

Veronica
That wedding was just beautiful.

Ron
Yes, like a fairy tale. Call it a hunch, though. I don't think they're going to last.

Veronica
Ron, that's a terrible thing to say. We here at the World News wish them many happy years together.

And the "On Air" light goes off.

Ron
It's just a feeling. If you got a time machine and went far into the future, I bet you would find out that they didn't make it.

Veronica
What is your problem with marriage?

Ron tilts his head and looks off screen. The image dissolves to a young Ron (about 7) fishing with his dad, Papa Burgundy.

Ron
Papa, I can't wait to be older and married like you.

Papa Burgundy
Son, this is important. One day you'll find a girl-

Ron
Like Mommy?

Papa Burgundy
Hopefully not.

Ron
What's wrong with Mommy?

Papa Burgundy
This is a fishing trip. We don't have that kind of time. Getting back to marriage. It may seem like the thing to do. You'll be in love with a woman, so in love that you can picture the wedding with a mountain and a family band made up of your children.

Ron
That sounds nice.

Papa Burgundy
It does. But, Ron, listen to me very carefully. Marriage is for suckers. It starts out nice with the companionship and the having sex but then something happens.

Ron
What, papa?

Papa Burgundy
She starts thinking for herself. She wants an equal say in everything, sometimes more.

Ron
I don't understand.

Papa Burgundy
Son, don't ever get married. Drink a lot of scotch and get with a lot of women but don't ever get married. Now, goodbye Ron.

Papa Burgundy jumps over the side of the boat.

Ron
Papa, what if she's amazing?

Papa Burgundy comes back up from the water.

Papa Burgundy
No matter what.

Papa Burgundy sinks back down and never resurfaces.

Ron
(crying)
Papaaaaaaa!

The image dissolves back to present day.

Veronica
Ron!

Ron
(crying)
Stay away from me! I'm never getting married! Or going fishing!

Ron runs off the set.

No comments: