-- Traded his dad's car for a six pack of beer
-- Put a rabid squirrel in a post office mailbox
-- Set the school mascot on fire during halftime by firing a flaming arrow from 100 yards
-- Casually presented his book report while strapped with dynamite
-- UTP'd the principal's house (U = Used)
-- Murdered a hobo
-- Stole a tank and invaded Mexico
-- Led a large group of people to a settlement in Guyana which he named Harkentown
-- Went to Africa and returned to California with a monkey he saw some guy banging
-- Told Ron Burgundy that he had "bad hair"
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