Idea #98

Ron is in Day Two (see Idea #97) of training for his return to Channel Four News. The song "Eye of the Tiger" still plays.

Cut to Ron sitting at the breakfast table. His face is smeared with black newspaper print all over the right side. He takes a deep breath and lifts a spoon with shredded newspaper on it.

Ron

Are you sure about this? Isn't the ink poisonous?

Cut to Brian putting strawberries and bananas into a blender.

Brian

You have to eat, drink, and sleep the news. I can't think of a more literal way to do that.

Brian puts a newspaper in the blender and hits the button to blend it all.

Cut to Ron putting the spoon with the shredded newspaper into his mouth and chewing regrettably. 

Ron

(mouth full)

This is going to go badly.

Cut to Ron working a punching bag with Champ behind it. Cut to the front to show Wes Mantooth's face at the top of the bag. Ron lets out a flurry of punches and then screams as he goes for the knockout blow.

Cut to Ron doing Tai Chi.

Cut to Ron watching tapes of himself when he was in his prime at Channel Four News.

Cut to Ron vomiting in the bathroom.

Ron

Oh, God! It's black! I think I'm dying!

Cut to Brick wearing a Ronald Reagan mask. Ron is sitting next to Reagan Brick.

Ron

Mr. President, why do we need a Strategic Defense Initiative? What are you not telling the American people?

Brick

(bad Reagan impression)

It's precautionary. There's nothing to worry about.

Brian

Get in there.

Ron

Sir, that is a lie.

Brick

(bad Reagan impression)

No comment.

Brian

Force him to answer.

Ron gets up to attack Reagan Brick but Champ, dressed like Secret Service, pushes Ron back into his seat. Ron thinks. He gets up and leaves the house.

Ron

I'll be right back.

Cut to Reagan Brick looking sad.

Ron (O.C.)

You're going to talk or-

Cut to Ron with a gun at a monkey's head.

Ron

It's bedtime for Bonzo.

Brick

(bad Reagan impression)

Ok! I'll talk!

(regular voice)

Don't hurt the monkey!

Brian

Nice, Ron.

Brick takes the monkey and hugs it.

Ron

I think I'm ready.

Brian

But we have a whole third day of training.

Ron

No, I feel ready now.

Brian

Are you sure?

Ron

Yup.

Brian

I spent a lot of money on training supplies for tomorrow.

Ron

Do you have receipts?

Brian

Most of it was bought on the black market.

Ron

Oh.

(beat)

Sorry.

Brian

Yeah.